TV personality and fitness coach Holly Hagan-Blyth has a lot to say about being a first-time parent and wants to share her candid experiences to reassure other parents.
When Tiny Happy People asks the Geordie Shore star to sum up parenting her son Alpha-Jax, her answer is simple: ‘whirlwind’.
“I feel like there’s so many things that you don’t expect to happen,” explains Holly.
In contrast to her confident onscreen persona, she’s had many moments of doubt and insecurity as a first-time mum.
“The biggest misconception about being a new mum is that you’re going to have glorious days in coffee shops and soft play centres, and that postpartum is just this beautiful, chilled-out time. Honestly, it couldn’t be further from the truth in my case.”
“It is a complete world-change, and needs to be spoken about more, people do need to be informed.”
We spoke to Holly about weathering these life-changing experiences, building her confidence as a parent, and how having a baby has changed – and strengthened – her relationship with her husband, professional footballer Jacob Blyth.
Managing new parent anxiety
Holly isn’t afraid to share her struggles and confides that she initially felt overwhelmed by the responsibilities of being a new mum.
“I suffered quite badly with postpartum anxiety, and I worried about absolutely everything.”
“I know this sounds morbid, but I just kept thinking that at any point Alpha-Jax could potentially die. We didn’t even have visitors for weeks because I worried that he might catch something.”
Holly looks back on this stressful start to parenthood wishing she’d been more relaxed. But she’s trying to practise self-kindness and celebrate her wins.
“I wish I hadn’t worried as much and that I’d trusted my gut in situations, but I think it’s a common to be worried about all these things. He survived all the visitors, and he even goes to nursery now.
“I’m proud of keeping him alive and that he’s a happy, confident little boy. There have been so many joyful moments and honestly, Alpha-Jax has just got such an incredible energy. He brightens up our days, even on his whingiest days.”
Learning to go with the flow
One of the big parenting lessons Holly has learned is that everything happens in phases.
“Having a child is full of challenges. Once you get over one hurdle, you will be faced with another.
“When it’s your first baby and you’re in the midst of it, when you’re having a bad night’s sleep and when the baby just won’t settle, you just can’t see things improving.”
“People around you say, ‘Don’t worry it’ll pass!’ but it doesn’t feel like that. But it’s true. Just knowing that everything is a stage, that it will pass is reassuring. It won’t always be this full-on.”
“One of the most challenging times for us was Alpha-Jax’s whingeing. First, we thought it was his teeth. Then we thought that it was because he wanted to crawl and he couldn’t, but now he crawls and he still whinges. Then we thought it was because he wanted to walk, and then he walked. So, now we’re thinking it’s because he wants to talk.
“Knowing what’s wrong with your baby is a big problem!”
Holly’s learned to take things in her stride and accept that every day is not going to be perfect.
“Sometimes, if you have one bad night you can have dramatic thoughts like, ‘That’s it now, his sleep is going to be completely ruined forever’. But actually, babies are very adaptable.
“Every day is a new day. It’s something fresh and there are new opportunities – just take it as it comes.”
She wants new mums to know that life isn’t perfect for anyone – despite what you see on social media.
“You’re not gonna be glammed up with a filter on like the Instagram influencers are.
“Accept that what you see is a tiny, tiny snippet of someone’s day. I can guarantee that they had a meltdown in the soft play, the mum started crying, the coffee was knocked over and that is the reality of the day.”
Forming a solid parenting team
Holly and Jacob have found a parenting style that suits them. A tag-team approach helped them weather their first few weeks as parents.
“I think the main way that protected my mental health during the early postpartum days was me and Jacob having opposite shifts.”
“I have some friends that decided to do absolutely everything together and I think for me and Jacob that wouldn’t have been possible – so when I needed rest, he would look after Alpha-Jax, and then we’d swap.”
Good communication is key to navigating the trickiest of challenges and emotions, including parent guilt.
“It’s easy to feel guilty when you go back to work. It’s important that the time we spend with Alpha-Jax is quality. If we can be off our phones and engaging with him 100% that’s more important than the amount of time we’re spending with him.”
The couple take care of their own wellbeing to help them handle everyday stresses, adds Holly.
“When you’re a new mum you shouldn’t rush back into exercise if you don’t feel ready. Your body changes but you have to remember what it’s done and just appreciate it.
“Remember it doesn’t have to be gruelling workouts in the gym – let’s be honest, nobody has time for that.
Source: BBC News
Author: BBC
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